Learn to say NO in times of Coronavirus - vitapsy

vitapsy

ننشر الأمل في زمن الأزمات

Learn to say NO in times of Coronavirus

Share This
Over the course of time, in my line of work, I have met hundreds of people complaining about their unhappiness because of "others", and I have always tried to guide them through the realization that their state of mind never comes from the outside, and it is always from within.
During the CoronaVirus Pandemic, most of us are sheltering in place, with family members, partners, significant others or friends, and the interpersonal dynamics we used to have are becoming more accentuated because of the extended time we are spending together.
It comes to my mind all the people pleasers I have met in my life, now quarantined anxious and stressed out like the rest of us because of our harsh reality, only on top, they have the self-imposed commitment to never refuse a service to those around them, even at the risk of their own misery, they even might "enslave" themselves to their "quarantine buddies". They are those nice, sweet and helpful people we all know and love, those who bend over backwards to assist others, those who pop-up first in your head whenever you need a helping hand.
Have you ever wondered if that person that you know you can lean on for your convenience is as happy as they appear to be? Well the answer is NO, people pleasers are not happy people, in fact, they spend so much of their time to aid others, that they barely have time to please themselves.
When it comes to psychology, whether it's a question of perception, or more importantly if it's due to their interaction with others, telling people that their happiness and well-being is their responsibility can be very delicate, because most people will hear you telling them it's their mistake instead of being held responsible, which will cause a guilt trip instead of a wake-up call.
Unfortunately, guilt is the main player that generates a people pleaser's altruism. They never say "NO" because if they do, they go into a deep tunnel of moral self-torture out of guilt, so they pick the lesser of 2 evils, they smile and say "Yes". They feel unworthy of others, and they are out on a quest for their approval, they fear rejection and failure, they tend to neglect themselves, and over time build up resentment towards themselves and others, and even might reach a depression point.
The saddest of it all, are not the opportunists, those that can "smell" a people pleaser a thousand miles away and who start feeding off their kindness but the ones that are in a close relationship with a people pleaser and are unaware of the inner pain, conflict and harmful behavioral pattern a "YES" person is secretly living.
There's a children's movie called "Ella enchanted", where Anne Hathaway portrays a young woman's misery for being a "Yes girl" and you, people pleasers, can learn a thing or two from that movie and also the following tips might come in handy for a kick start:
When someone asks for a favor, that you are unwilling to fully engage to, consider a compromise. However, if you judge that it does not fall into your own advantage, always express your appreciation of the other person's trust, and explain your reasons, that would help them understand that you are rejecting the request and not them, and it would also help you in decreasing your anxiety and guilt for refusing and longing for their acceptance. Always be true to yourself and others, keep it clear and simple, be firm and direct with your "NO". Repeat until you change from a "YES" person to a "Yes, if I want and can" person.


ليست هناك تعليقات:

إرسال تعليق