Learn if you are being gaslighted and how to protect yourself - vitapsy


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Learn if you are being gaslighted and how to protect yourself

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Gaslighting is a term first introduced in late 1930's indicating a mind game, a psychological manipulation leading a person to question their own sanity.  Ingrid Bergman stars in a 1944 psychological thriller "Gaslight", it's about a woman whose husband slowly manipulates her into doubting herself and believing she is going insane. A perfect blow-out of a destructive, yet very discreet form of emotional abuse.
Gaslighting usually happens behind closed doors in a partnership, a romantic relationship, and even an entire family may suffer from one gaslighter and it is usually unintentional, however it might also happen in groups, for example teaming up on one person, this is when it's a deliberate form of bullying.
"Why are you acting crazy?", "You are being way too sensitive", "you really need to go back to your senses", "I never said that" and "this never happened", these are a sample of what a gaslighter might say midst an argument, questioning your thinking, your memory of a certain event, refusing to listen to the details of that particular event and pretending to have forgotten what actually happened, saying that they don't understand because YOU are not making any sense and finally undermining your feelings and making it seem like they are unimportant and that you are exaggerating.

Typically, a gaslighter starts creeping on your loved ones, they start asking your closest friends and family members if you seem a little off to them, they use them as ammunition, or they might belittle you with what you do best, "you shouldn't be an artist, you're not very artsy". Over time, this kind of unhealthy behavior starts wearing you down, and although it started with you being 100% sure of what happened, you begin to question your own reality, doubting your judgment, your assessment of the situation, your emotions and your reactions. Gaslighting starts altering your reality.
A gaslighter is a control freak, and in order to stay in control, they will need to isolate you from others, they start by dropping negative hints around you about your loved ones, then step it up to tell you that these people are unworthy of your trust and love, gaslighters are constant liars and use projection upon others, they might even drop some compliments and reinforce you to confuse you and make it easier for you to trust no one BUT THEM! Everyone is a liar except them and that's why you should turn your back on all your entourage, it's a master technique for control.
If you are identifying with the above, you might be in an abusive relationship that seems like a fairy tale.
A gaslighter will constantly invalidate your emotions, you will feel insecure and ashamed of what you are feeling. Don't suppress your feelings, YOU are the only one that has the right to validate them.
A gaslighter will tell you that others are taking advantage of you and that you cannot count on them, you eventually start losing your support system. If everyone else is the problem, maybe none are. If you are feeling confused, stay in contact with your trusted friends and family and speak up looking for different perspective.
A gaslighter will deny facts to gain control until you start questioning your sanity. Keep track of the events, document your daily life in a detailed diary.
A gaslighter will make you conform to their standards, they need you to agree with them blindly and without second guessing, this would be the highest level of control they have over your persona, and you find yourself apologizing for who you are. Remember that everyone is unique and your reality belongs to you SOLELY.
Clearly state your position and who you are, regain control over yourself and your mind.

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